Nice Things Don't Happen to Assholes Like Us

by Slow Motion Commotion

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1.
2.
04:26
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02:39
4.
02:48
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9.

credits

released August 20, 2013

Ian Johnson - Banjo, Harmonica, Vocals
Shane Deaver - Guitar, Mandolin, Vocals

all songs recorded live by Vance Collins

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Slow Motion Commotion Kansas City, Kansas

Slow Motion is a acoustic-folk-punk band out of Kansas City, Missouri. SMC has played shows a the Czar Bar, Replay Lounge, Riot Room, First Fridays and Art Closet Studios. They have received album reviews for their album "Nice Thing Don't Happen to Assholes Like Us" which was released in August of 2013. ... more

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Track Name: Ballad of Antonio (Pt. 1)
Am C
I got no money, I got no friends
F E7
I got no means to reach my ends
Am C
I’m a pariah in my hometown
F E7
Don’t believe me just ask around
Am C
And I’ve been shit on, and I’ve been fucked
F E7
I have straight up run out of luck
Am C
And I’m a black cat breaking a mirror
F E7
So please darling don’t come near
F C
But it’s ok cuz I’ve resigned
F G
To losing my fucking mind
Am C
And if you stick around long enough you’ll find
E7
That life’s a bitch...but so am I
Am
Am C
When I leave this town, I’ll burn it to the ground
F E7
with a smirk as I walk away
Am C
And on that day I’ll depart, you should have known from the start
F E7
That it was going to end this way
Am C
But if it keeps up like this, knowing i won’t be missed
F E7
It’ll surely be the death of me
Am C
I was just a man with a dream one I was trying to redeem
F E7
But that’s not all it’s cracked up to be

[chorus]

Am C
I’m the portrait of anxiety, the antithesis to sobriety
F E7
A symbol for all the broken and all the cold
Am C
But I’ll be fine, don’t worry, I don’t mind
F E7
I just hope to god that I never grow old
F C
But it’s ok cuz I’ve resigned
F G
To losing my fucking mind
Am C
And if you stick around long enough you’ll find
E7
That life’s a bitch
That life's a bitch
And we're all here to die
Track Name: Kansas
G C G
Born in Kansas City, yes I grew up in this town
G D G
Born in Kansas City, and I ain’t traveled around
C G Em D
And if I don’t leave here soon I think that I might go insane
C G D G
Born in Kansas City, ya, this state it rules my brain

G C G
Came from California yes I moved out to this state
G D G
My parents said don’t worry, we’re sure it will be great
C G Em D
But now that I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize
C G D G
If I don’t leave here soon I will rip out my fucking eyes

C G
Gotta get the fuck outta kansas
D G
Gotta get the fuck outta here
C G
Gotta get the fuck outta kansas
D G
It’s time to disappear

G C G
Well I got a full-time job but man we all know how that goes
G D G
You work and slave all day and in the end it never shows
C G Em D
And in my heart I know, my life is doomed to fail
C G D G
If i get stuck forever, working in retail
G C G
Been trying to save our money, to get a place to call our own
G D G
Been trying to save our money, a little place we can call home
C G Em D
But our bank accounts are empty, seems that it’s no use
C G D G
Cuz we spend all our money on cigarettes and booze

[chorus]
[solo - same as verse]

G C G
Seems that I am stuck here, can’t deny that anymore
G D G
Hope I can get out one day and see the California shore
C G EmD
Til then I’ll laugh and drink and fuck, and play on my guitar
C G D G
And all that I can hope is that one day it’ll take me far
G C G
Some days I get the feeling, I will never be anything
G D G
Like I’m going through the motions until the thought it stats to sting
C G Em D
And it doesn’t help that I am stuck living in a place like this
C G D G
Oh it’s time to leave forever, this place will not be missed

[chorus]x2
Track Name: Sparrow
C G Am Em
i wish i was a sparrow on a power line
F C F G
fly south for winter time, fly south for winter time
C G Am Em
but birds of a feather don’t always flock together
F C F G
they get split up in the weather or lost in the sky forever
F C E Am
and i wish i had wings of my own
F C E Am
to fly away from this haunted home
F C E Am
i could leave the flock and fly alone
F C G
to a place that feels a little less like hell

C G Am Em
and i wish i was a guitar tuned to open c
F C F G
played in a major key, a familiar melody
FC E Am
and all i want’s someone strumming on me
F C E Am
singing about being wild and free
F C E Am
what a beautiful song i could be
F C G
if i would just let somebody sing

C G Am Em F C F G

F C E Am
i wish i was a memory
F C E Am
of a life lived much more happily
F C E Am
i could leave the guilt behind and go live by the sea
F Fm
oh i wish i didn’t have so many people
C
who loved me
Track Name: Lonely Lad
C E Am F
i am a lonely and lowly lad, a fading trend, a passing fad
C E Am F
a blip on the radar screen of society, awaiting the day til you all forget me
C E Am F
and then i’ll halt my existence, for about a year or two
C E Am F
until i can become retro and of interest to you
C E Am F
and i’ll be your kitschy accessory
C E Am F
to your boots and your rings and your apathy
C E Am F
until a few months pass and i go out of style
C E Am F Fm
and i’ll sit in the back of your closet for a while, for a while
C E Am F
and you are an oscar-winning screenplay about the dangers of losing your faith
C E Am F
and i am a b-movie featuring a porn star about hookers from outer space
C E Am F
and i’ll be a cult classic on dvd
C E Am F
and they’ll cut you up and censor you for tv
C E Am F
until a few months pass and we go out of style
C E Am F Fm
and we’ll sit in the bottom of the bargain bin for a while, for a while
C E Am F
and i’ll be your kitschy accessory
C E Am F
to your boots and your rings and your apathy (whatever)
CE Am F
until a few months pass and i go out of style
C E Am F Fm
and i’ll sit in the back of your closet for a while, for a while
Track Name: Ballad of Antonio (Pt. II)
F Am (x2)
F Am
Well the first man that I ever killed begged for his life and yet still
F Am
I pulled that unforgiving trigger
F Am
Well I shot him once but he wasn’t dead so I shot him again right through the head
F Am
Because I wanted the whole process to go quicker
F Am
Well the crack of the gun made my ears ring but other than that I didn’t feel a thing
F Am
I guess I just was born without a heart
F Am
He was a preacher man damning me to hell and i thought if i’m going there then well
F Am
I might as well get me a head start
F G
Well a monster’s not a person, and a monster’s what I am
Em Am
And if I’m not a person I guess I don’t give a damn
F G
And if my sins will drag me down, down to the fiery deep
Em Am
I’ll go and turn this world to shit, and I’ll make my mother weep
F G
Make my mother weep
F Am (x2)

F Am
Well they tried their best to put me away, into a place they thought they’d make me stay
F Am
But the jail and the madhouse didn’t have an effect
F Am
Cuz I killed the guards and the warden too, and there was nothing that the fucking shrink could do
F Am
I was back on the streets as society’s reject
F Am
Well they loosed the dogs and they aired the news when I put the slip on those fuckin screws
F Am
And busted outta there just like Andy did
F Am
But Andy never would have harmed a fly, just an innocent man that didn’t want to die
F Am
The main difference was, I was more like Billy the Kid
FG
Well a monster’s not a person, and a monster’s what I am
Em Am
And if I’m not a person I guess I don’t give a damn
F G
And if my sins will drag me down, down to the fiery deep
Em Am
I’ll go and turn this world to shit, and I’ll make my mother weep
F G
Make my mother weep
F Am (x6)
Track Name: Fighter Pilot
capo 3

C G C F
well i could have been a fighter pilot if I had better eyes
C G C Am
could have been an NBA allstar if i knew how to dunk
F G C E7 Am
could have been an astronaut if i weren’t so scared of stars
F G C
i could have been a productive human being
C G C F
i could have been a doctor if i could only control the shakes
C G C Am
could have been a preacher if i only believed in God
F G C E7 Am
could have been a lover if i weren’t so fucking sad
F G C
i could have been a contributing member of society
F C
but I sold my soul for seven bucks i spent on cigarettes
F C
and i’ll bum you one if you’re running low
F G
and we can smoke it to the filter
Em Am
then throw it in the gutter
F Fm F Fm
the only home my poor old soul has ever had to call its own

C G C F
And i could have been a tree if i’d been planted in the ground
C G C Am
could have been a son to you if you’d only stuck around
F G C E7 Am
could have been a father if i weren’t so scared of mine
F G C-E7-Am
i’m a flesh and blood waste of your time
F
i’m a flesh and blood
Fm C
waste of your time
Track Name: Hospital Song
capo 2

G G/F# Em C D7 (x2)

G G/F# Em C D7
I am a hospital trying my best to hide from you
G G/F# Em C D7
the fact that I am full of dying people, people who care about you
G G/F# Em C D7
You don’t want to see me, just like everyone else
G G/F# Em C D7
because a night with me means someone you love might not be coming home
C Cmaj9 Am
Inside these walls the heartbeats are deafening
G G/F# Em
you can hear every shuddering breath
C Cmaj7
I’ll keep you warm in my arms then send you on your way
D7
With what little family you’ve got left

G G/F# Em C D7 (x2)

G G/F# Em C D7
And you cannot shake that uneasy feeling that one day you’ll end up here
G G/F# Em C D7
And you cant look me in my eyes, because you see yourself reflected, decrepit and ready to die
C Cmaj9 Am
Inside these walls the heartbeats are deafening
G G/F# Em
you can hear every shuddering breath
C Cmaj7
I’ll keep you warm in my arms then send you on your way
D7
With what little family you’ve got left
GG/F# Em C D7
And if I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me
G G/F# Em C D7
For I must be traveling on now, there’s too many places I got to see
Track Name: Pour Some Out
C G Am F
I’ve got a friend, my friend, he’s sad most days so he pretends
C G Am F
And my friend, some days that’s all ya got
C G Am F
Yes I’ve got a friend my friend, he’s trying hard to make amends
C G Am F
With the happiness he thinks he’s left behind
G Am
And I do my best to help him tell him things will turn around
F C G
But my words don’t mean quite as much unsung
G Am
After a million miles of cigarettes, and a dozen tanks of gas
F C G
We’re no less messed up than when we started
F C G
Cuz everyone feels terrible and no one is unique
F C G
And sometimes you need to hear more than hey cheer up
F C E Am
You can spill your hurt into a notebook or throw it in a song
F G C
Just make sure that I know the words so I can sing along
C G Am F
No one is exempt from all of these bad times
C G Am F
Everyone will have to pay their dues
C G Am F
Cuz I had a loved one die on me and I had my love run out on me
C G Am F
And because of all of that I drink too much
C G Am F
And I lost my dad to booze and I feel like I am gonna lose
C G Am F
Myself if someone doesn’t take the wheel
C G Am F
Ya I’m aching for the good ol’ days, nostalgia keeps the wolves at bay
C G Am F
Oh trust me friend, I know how you feel
G Am
I’ll drink until I fall asleep, I’ll fill my lungs with tar
F C G
But the hangover it just isn’t worth the pain
G Am
I’ll wear his fingerprint around my neck and her heart upon my arm
F C G
And we’ll bury their ashes with a tree out back
F C G
Cuz everyone feels terrible and no one is unique
F C G
And sometimes you need to hear more than hey cheer up
F C E Am
You can spill your hurt into a notebook or throw it in a song
F G C
Just make sure that I know the words so I can sing along
C G Am F
So listen up my friend my friend, I swear to you this is not the end
C G Am F
Things can’t get any worse so they’re getting better
C G Am F
So take good things from those around you, don’t let the bad vibes surround you
C G Am F
I promise man, we’ll get through this together
G Am
Cuz you owe it to yourself to be a happy human being
F C G
And that’s all anyone will ever ask of you
G Am
So lose yourself in happy songs and live a life electric
F C G
Leave a scorch mark on the Earth when you depart
F C G
Cuz everyone is beautiful and everyone has merit
F C G
And sometimes you just need a friend to cheer you up
F C E Am
You can spill your hurt into a notebook or throw it in a song
F G C
Just make sure that I know the words so I can sing along
Track Name: Ballad of Antonio (Pt. III)
Am
Am C
Once upon a time my family cared
Am C
An unbreakable bond is what we shared
F C
But I drove them off with all I had
E7
And once I’m gone they’ll surely be glad
Am C
So yes, I’m leaving, I’m going forever
Am C
I thought I could run, I thought that I was clever
F C
But now look at me, chained up to this chair
E7
And they say life’s not fair , Life’s not fair, Well I got news for you

Am
You been brought before the court today
C
Cuz you done bad things and you gotta pay
F E7
You’re a killer, a liar, an arson, and a thief
Am
Tried to put you in a cell
C
But that didn’t help as far as I can tell
F E7
Ain’t no chance of you turning a new leaf
Am
Maybe your mother didn’t raise you right
C
Didn’t care when you got into fights
F E7
Maybe your daddy beat you every day
Am
For what you’ve done to honest men
C
They’ll take you away not to be seen again
F E7
For your crimes do you have anything to say?
F C
Well it’s ok cuz I’ve resigned
F G
To losing my goddamn mind
Am C
And I have stuck around, long enough and found
E7
That life’s a bitch , that life’s a bitch, and then they put you in the ground